Kindness When I first took up meditation I didn't understand the essential contribution of kindness. I thought meditation was to chill myself out, to stay calm at all costs, to develop an unshakable kind of equanimity. And while calm and equanimity are valuable for sure, without the emotional dimension of kindness these qualities can also become ways to avoid our feelings at our peril. I eventually learned that I'd walled myself off from my own emotions in a way that was blinding and unhelpful, and ultimately made it difficult to really take care of myself.
The practice of kindness in the context of mindfulness calls on us to ask ourselves what we need right now. It encourages us to see if we can offer ourselves some warmth, some kindness. Not because that will make challenging emotions go away or solve our problems, but simply because we're suffering. Kindness is an essential component as we meet our challenges.
Kindness can be practiced. We can weave a sense of self-care and kindness into our formal mindfulness practice and we can see the informal practices of taking purposeful pauses during the day not just as a stress reduction technique but as real gifts to ourselves. As self-kindness.
And kindness for ourselves can help us rebalance the common tendency to take care of everyone around us while ignoring our own needs. We can be so strongly conditioned to focus on others first can't we? Whether that's purposeful and well-meaning, or out of habit, or even out of some deep fear that we might be unlovable. We can notice our many choices throughout the day in service of others and start to remember to include ourselves in the equation in an explicit way. "After I help so and so with this, I'll take a break and give myself what I need too."
Loving Kindness Finally, the signature practice in mindfulness training - Loving Kindness Meditation - is also a great option. I was resistant to this practice at first - no surprise given my initial orientation to prize a kind of "Zen calm" over all else. But now I've come to appreciate it deeply. I'm especially moved by the innovation in the Mindful Self-Compassion curriculum to find ways to really personalize Loving Kindness Meditation by finding your own language to coach yourself in it.
See our Loving Kindness Meditation page (https://mindfulnessnorthwest.com/loving-kindness) for the basics on this practice and the Finding Our Phrases page (https://mindfulnessnorthwest.com/LKM-phrases) for more on making this practice your own.
Tough times happen for all of us. I hope the practices and the orientation toward starting with acceptance of mindfulness is helpful to you. I invite you to see if the three attitudes of curiosity, willingness, and kindness prove helpful in your own journey. Especially when times are tough.
TimQuestions? Call us: 360.830.6439 x 0, or email: firstname.lastname@example.org