There are whales flying through the air. A big wind is coming in off the water, powering (and toppling) small sailboats as they race through the bay. It’s tangled in our hair, my mom’s and mine, as we make our slow way through the park on Mother’s Day. It’s lifting kites high into the air, including two HUGE whales: a blue whale and a humpback, we learn, when we stop to chat with the kite fliers. My mom is thrilled, giggling and gleeful. Her joy brings me joy.
Later in the day I’ll practice loving-kindness as she shares the challenges of moving to a new place at age 85. I’ll draw on equanimity when she makes a comment that touches a nerve. And I’ll offer myself compassion when — ugh! — I get impatient and grouchy with her.
I’m most grateful for my practice when it helps me navigate these small moments with the people I love. Not perfectly (not even close!), but sometimes, when conditions are right, with a little more ease and a little more care. For them and for myself.
I’m drawn to teach what I need to learn. It’s no accident, then, that our Summer Weekend Retreat, will focus on Loving-Kindness. As I support my aging mom and my son launching into adulthood, care for friends facing big life changes, and read the daily news, this practice feels like just the right medicine. Maybe your heart could use this help, too?
Our Roots of Mindfulness Retreat in August will continue to explore Loving-Kindness as well as strengthening Compassion, Joy, and Equanimity. These essential heart qualities help us navigate the challenges of life with more care and ease, for ourselves and for everyone we meet.
Both retreats held at the spectacular Samish Camp, where the herons help us practice.
I don’t need to tell you that there’s a lot of suffering on our planet right now. As open-hearted, caring, compassionate people, we’re pulled to respond to this pain — to our families, friends, coworkers, patients, clients, and people we’ve never met who, all around the world, are struggling.
If you’re like me, you’ve been asking yourself: When the world feels difficult, what do we do?
Of course, there are infinite answers, infinite ways to add to the good in the world. For me, part of the picture is the cultivation of Loving-Kindness, Compassion, Joy, and Equanimity.
As I’ve taken up these cultivation practices in recent years, I’ve noticed myself becoming more like the person I’d like to be. I’m sharing these practices in the hopes that you’ll find them soothing, buoying, settling, strengthening – or all of the above.
The brahmaviharas listed above – also known as the divine abodes or the immeasurables – are four qualities of the heart-mind that we work to cultivate in Buddhist practice and here in our secular mindfulness practice. The teacher JD Doyle uses the image of a row boat to illustrate how they work together.
We’re rowing this boat of the heart through the world. The bow is Loving-Kindness – leading with love. The two oars are Compassion and Joy. When something difficult comes our way and we meet it with love, that’s Compassion. When a delight arrives and we’re able to celebrate it, that’s rowing with the Joy oar. The keel, the weighted spine of the boat, is Equanimity: balance, steadiness, stability.
These traits are held up, celebrated, and cultivated as part of all faith traditions, and by people of no faith tradition. There are at least two good reasons for this. One is that developing these traits helps us feel better, and it helps the world work better. So it’s good to cultivate these qualities.
The other reason they’re named in every faith tradition as something to cultivate is: We Need Practice! We all have this innate leaning toward love in us, but it’s also easy to get pulled in the opposite direction. The world can nudge or yank us off course. So it helps to have a commitment to developing these qualities. Cultivating Loving-Kindness, Compassion, Joy, and Equanimity is help for the heart.
So how do we do it?
First of all, slowly and steadily. Take your time with these practices. Use a light, gentle effort. It takes a lifetime to cultivate a heart imbued with love. We never arrive. We just keep practicing together, planting these seeds, in the hopes that by helping our own hearts, we are better able to care for ourselves, and better able to help others.
Loving-Kindness
The bow of the boat. Leading with love as we move out into the world. Many practices available on our website. Experiment and see which ones work for you.
Compassion
When suffering arrives, in ourselves or others, and we meet it with love, that’s compassion. So much of our training is to turn away – responding in this new way takes practice! Try a guided compassion meditation or this embodied practice: Gestures of Self-Compassion.
Joy
Author and meditation teacher Dr. Rick Hanson says that our minds are Velcro for the negative and Teflon for the positive. Work against this built-in negativity bias by practicing joy. Gratitude helps, too.
Equanimity
Equanimity is protective. It allows us to do the work of caring for the world without getting overwhelmed or burned out. Sometimes considered the most difficult to access, this groundedness and stability is the foundation for all the other heart practices. Try the practice of R.A.I.N. for developing equanimity and insight.
Wishing you well as you explore these divine abodes. Hope to see you at our Summer Weekend Retreat and/or at Roots of Mindfulness Retreat!