by Carolyn McCarthy
On a recent morning in early November, my stomach was in knots. My head was spinning, a thought storm tumbling through. I’d managed to get myself out the door and was walking to yoga class, mat tucked under my arm. But my heart and head were so drawn into fear about the future and a frantic sense of problem solving that I almost missed it: a bobcat snoozing in the sun. In fact, I’d missed the sun! I’d missed this glorious morning! And I had just walked right by a gorgeous, magnificent BOBCAT sleeping next to my little country road. The bobcat my neighbors had been talking about. The one I’d been wanting to see. She was right here, right now, but I’d missed her.
Something in me did a double take, though (What was that lump in the grass?); I turned around and watched as this beautiful wild cat dozed, then gradually woke, her golden eyes lit by the morning sun as she squinted awake. The intricate stripes and patterns on her fur glowed, mesmerizing. When she finally realized I was there (strange humanlike creature with yoga-mat appendage), she rose, stretched, and stood to face me. She wagged her short, bobbed tail back and forth, back and forth. Then she turned and ducked over the bank she’d been snoozing on, out of sight.
The tears came then. Yes, I was still scared. And angry and worried and confused. Yes, the future still looked, to my eyes, bleak. And yet: this morning, this sunshine, this bobcat. This was also true.
How are you holding up? As this year draws to a close, I’ve been up and down, sometimes joyful, sometimes worried, sometimes overwhelmed. These words from the short, powerful book We Were Made For These Times by Buddhist teacher Kaira Jewel Lingo hit home for me:
In a sense, our culture, our society is dissolving. We are collectively entering the chrysalis, and structures we have come to rely on and identify with are breaking down. We are in the cocoon and we don’t know what the next phase will be like. Learning to surrender to the unknown in our lives is essential to our collective learning to move through this time of faster and faster change, disruption, and breakdown.
When I think about a chrysalis, well: it’s messy in there! The whole critter dissolves and rearranges its parts, becoming something entirely new. To be in the middle of that transformation, not able to see through to the other side, can be scary, destabilizing, confusing, and deeply uncomfortable.
When faced with such a situation, I jump into action. What can I DO? What is the PLAN? How do I TAKE CONTROL?!?!?!??? Sound familiar? Lingo advises a different path:
It is especially tempting in times of transition and challenge to abandon our homes, to leave our territory, in search of answers, perhaps by worrying about what will happen in the future. This is precisely the moment when we need to return to the present moment, feel our bodies, and take good care of ourselves now. Because the future is made of this moment. If we take good care of this moment, even if it is very difficult, we are taking good care of the future.
This is a radical teaching, no doubt influenced by her mentor, Thich Nhat Hanh: that simply by connecting with our breath and bodies in THIS moment, we are taking care of the future in a meaningful way.
Lingo, whose mindfulness work is woven with social justice, is not saying we should just sit on our cushions, burying our heads in the sand. Precisely the opposite. She’s giving us the way to engage with the world just as it is. The better we get at leaning into present moment experience, at sticking with the difficult, the better we’re able to work with uncertainty, with not knowing. When we practice, we develop equanimity, kindness, compassion – essential qualities for the work ahead.
By returning to the practice of seeing what is here right now, we also improve our ability to stay in contact with the tough stuff AND make sure we don’t miss what’s good. We will need its nourishment for the long road ahead. It also reminds us what we’re fighting to protect: this goodness, right here. We are able to hold both beauty and challenge, the full range of our experience. As Lingo says, “Suffering doesn’t have to disappear in order for beauty to be there.”
This work is not selfish. It is just what the world needs. When we take a moment to pause, to breathe, to become more aware of what’s happening within and without, we are better able to serve, to care, to do the work that needs doing.
So find your people. Practice on your own, and in community. Practice loving kindness. Practice when things are tough. Don’t miss the good stuff. Keep doing the work of pausing, seeing, feeling, and being with things just as they are. Keep taking care of yourselves and each other. Keep taking care of this moment. Because the future is made of this moment.
May our practice benefit all beings. So glad to be here with you.